I'm Not That Good With Happy Things
by Tubbiegodfather
Summary: Raven Branwen. Miss stick up an ass herself leaves Tai for being weak and her daughter for having those weak genes but who cares right she can do what she want... whoops. Well time to loosen that stick up and maybe juuuust maybe bring a smile to that face. I hope you like collecting poop Raven because welcome to Slime Rancher and your very own HAPPY HELL!
1. Chapter 1

… **...** _ **walks in**_ **. Uh…. shit hey guys sorry for abandoning shit an all that but I'll try to post more. I've just been really lazy and I need to just write something a little fun so I was like… Slime rancher is cool… so why not stick a character with a stick up her ass in there. Humor will commence… probably.**

 **! These are my line breakers**

I did it. I finally left that weak man Tai. I do maybe regret leaving my daughter but she had _his_ genes. She'll grow up weak just like him. So now that I'm gone I'll go back to the tribe and I'll be the leader full time now. With these thoughts going through my head I… didn't notice a stupid little piece of shit kid behind me.

? PoV

I can see Raven now… this will be a great time for all… except her. Though that doesn't matter she has too much of a stick up her ass and she needs to learn to be happy finally. So I'll get to the mission to fix that. I hope your ready Ravey. I'm going to make your life a happy little hell~.

I open a portal under Raven and she zooms right through and I watch as her face just widens… it was absolutely priceless. Now I must go and introduce her to a world of smiles… I hope she doesn't kill too many slimes… fuck it.

Raven PoV

I knew something was wrong when I felt a little light. I knew something was worse when I felt _weak_. I barely ever feel weak and pregnancy is over so it can't be that. I try to summon more aura out but it's gone… why does everything feel wrong?

 _ZWIP_

I hear something drop behind me and see a little kid with a gigantic smile on his face. I can already tell I'll hate him… probably? I'm just so confused at this point. In an act of caution I just go to grab for my sword, even if it's a kid I want to protect myself… my sword is gone… why is my sword gone. I look back at the child and his smile has only grown wider and it says something I wish it never would of said.

"How ya doing Ravey like the lack of aura… or how you're not in kansas anymore?"

If I could frown harder I'd be shocked… wait what was that about my aura?! "Listen here kid aura or not you better explain yourself or I'll gut you with my bare hands!" While I expected the kid to back off he just jumped over to me and continued to speak.

"Well partner I'll gladly tell ya where you are and how you got here. Though first let me tell you _why_ you were brought here."

I guess I won't kill the kid yet but soon… _very soon_. The kid looks back up to me and says "Well firstly I wanted to do this for my fun and the fun of others."

Well looks like I'm shocked because my frown has fucking _**worsened**_ **.** "What are you getting at kid I'm not staying here to be your enjoyment I'm leaving." Aura or not I'm teleporting out of here back to my tribe. I go to teleport to realise I can't even open a portal… I lost my aura and semblance… FUCKING KID! I try to swing a punch at the child but a portal opens below him and he teleports across the room… HOW DOES THAT SMILE WIDEN EVEN MORE!

"Now Ravey don't go hitting me I haven't finished my reasons yet. Anyway reason two… that stick up your ass is really stuck so I had to pull out the big guns."

This child… can teleport and get rid of semblances and auras… and yet his humor is this crude. _Sigh_ I might as well go along with it at this point since I can't hit him in my weakened state.

"Now the third reason is that I'm going to make you happy. I know you left Tai because he's _weak_ but really we both know you're scared of having a caring loving family no matter how tsundere you are about it."

My face adorns an embarrassed blush that quickly leaves and I turn to him and say "Tai is _weak_ okay I never cared for him and that child will grow to be weak I don't need _either_ of them brat!"

"Now see what I mean Ravey… I brought you here so that you can learn to love life and what is has so let me give you one benefit you won't find on Remnant"

I'll admit the child has made me lose my anger quite a lot but I'll listen for now. He's caught my interest a little bit. As soon as I get more sword back I'll feel fine about killing kids. "Fine what's so _amazing_ about this place brat?"

He smiles at this and utters words I never thought could be formed. "There are no grimm in existence here… especially Salem."

I shouldn't trust this child even though he has so much power… that just can't be true in any way. Grimm were everywhere and Salem has almost always ruled them… how can a kid just say that so calmly. How does the child even know of Salem anyw- wait nevermind he can get rid of aura and semblances and traverse worlds what can't it do?

"I can see you're surprised so I'll be getting out of your way soon but I will tell you a bit of the new world you're going to. I will also help you through parts of it but it will be mostly you. I may even bring along a few friends to help you later on. Lord knows this world deserves some multiplayer."

I look at the child weirdly when it said multiplayer but he quickly disappeared through a portal leaving one note behind. I walk slowly over to the note and pick it up wondering if any of this was a good idea at all. It probably isn't but fuck it. After that thought I open the letter to read.

 _Dear Raven_

 _Welcome to Slime Rancher a world of happy little boys for you to hug and love… as long as they feel nice at the time. In the closet to your right are the equipment you'll need and I swear to you it is all functional and ready to go. I know you'll be angry at me for putting you in this world but you need this whether you like it or not. Well back to the main main point this world revolves around little happy slimes that make poop. Well they're called plorts but they're poop and I know it. The job of a slime rancher is to sell these plorts because they can be used for many things to many different people. I won't tell you any of the slimes names or what they are because it's your job to fill all that out yourself. In the closet will be a slimopedia that you can use to see the names of each slime as you unlock them. You can also find your power suit and slime vacuum that can be used to suck up vegetables, fruits, chickens, and most importantly_ _ **Slimes**_ _! You also get a jetpack on that power suit so use it wisely. The jetpack runs off your energy so you can't abuse it and it doesn't need dust or what us normal people call fuel. Also quick notion here. There isn't any dust yet. I'll probably sprinkle that around the world later but you can just enjoy the world to yourself now. Now this world is slightly different then the original. The landscape is a bit different now so even if you found a map you'd need to find mine which I'll upload later because I can't be bothered. Now have fun in your own little happy hell Raven. You're gonna need some luck to survive this without killing a single slime…_

 _From_

 _Shifter_

Maybe the kid isn't that bad but I shouldn't get ahead of myself. Though he really won't give me a map… dick. Well I might as well look into the equipment he gave me. I go to open the closet and in there I find a… somewhat okay suit. I mean I would definitely like something less orange… wait what's this?

 _P.s I've added a function to change the color of the suit so it can help you in certain areas to hide yourself or just to look better. I need to remember that camouflage thing because you have NO AURA NOW! You take a hit you will be really hurt and bleed._

I hate that the brat wouldn't just include it in the main note. Really that's some lazy fucking writing. Whatever I just want to look nice so I switch the coloring to red and black. With these nice new colors and a vacuum… yeah a vacuum for my weapon I guess it's time to find out what this world is all about… I just hope nothing compares to how happy he makes this world sound… Happy isn't something I'm used to.

 **A/N Aaaaaand done. That felt actually really fun to write. Sure it isn't as fighty smashy as Void, Soul, And Aura but I like how this can go from here. I don't promise the best story but it will be my story so fuck it right? Right? Whatever I just hope you enjoyed an update ya beautiful gay babies. I hope you stay to read more… whenever more happens. Have a good day or night wherever you are BYE!**


	2. Pinky Start in a Sandy Home

**Hey guys welcome back to my story I'll probably be uploading through different intervals like this and not as often as a different story that'll be coming out. This story will kind of be like my stress reliever and something to write when I feel the need to. After I'm done this I'm going to go work on something that hasn't been graced with a fanfiction on this site or any other site to my knowledge so like youtube I'ma yell FIRST! Anyway have fun reading y'all!**

 **These are my line breakers !**

Well that stupid kid left me with a vacuum, armor, and barely any knowledge of this new world other then slimes and chickens… was I that bad of a person to deserve this. I know I left my husband but fuck him and I didn't need a daughter but she came. She'll grow up weak so it's definitely better I'm not there or she'd grow up with disappointed looks… anyway I might as well check out what's outside.

I open the door to see a nice sandy and bright day with different pieces of machinery and ways to walk around me. I look to my left and see a bright screen with a hole with two eyes. It kind of resembles a… smile. That's really creepy actually. From what I can guess with those numbers on the screen I'd be putting the plorts I collect from these slimes in this machiene… fucking kid making me collect shit for his amusement. With this armor on I turn to notice on my wrist I can see a panel that contains a heart with a 100 next to it a lightning bolt with another 100 next to it and lastly a coin with 250 gold coins. I can only guess that's my money and the heart is like my aura. Its surprisingly sim- AH WHAT THE FUCK! I turn around me to find that a little pink goo ball is grabbing my leg with its mouth. It doesn't hurt but it just feels weird. "Well come on ya little shit get off me!" I start to shake my leg but he just clamps down harder. Once again it doesn't hurt it's just getting more uncomfortable.

With a mighty swing of my leg I kick the little shit off and it goes flying into this… weird cage thing. I mean it's more like a fence if anything but I guess this is what's needed to cage the little fucks if I'm supposed to be farming them. I then turn to see a small but still probably important piece of machinery with a screen showing a jetpack a heart and electricity and a water slot. It also has a note from who I can only guess is the idiotic kid again.

 _Why hello dear Raven welcome to the outside world of Slime Rancher. This machine here is a place to gather upgrades for your abilities like a slot to hold water(You'll need it later maybe idk) or you can also gain a jetpack to fly with since you now lack portals hell if ya feel like it you can get an increase to your Health or start by purchasing 10,000 gold at a time 5% of your Aura back. Once you have full Aura you'll gain the chance to portal back to your world and I expect by the time you do you'll have learned to be happy ok Missy? Good you probably have an angry face but fuck u death with it. You can also see a cage thing over there and I can hazard a guess you've seen the local wildlife in your farm. They'll stop coming here for the most part once you get yourself acquainted so start adding those little slimes to their cage- I mean nice new homes and get yourself some poop to sell… yeah I know its weird just do it. You can also upgrade the corals to help keep certain slimes happy. Some slimes require upgraded corals to stay with you and not run away or attack you themselves so keep that in mind._

 _I'll leave you off with that for this chap- note and allow you to look around the world yourself._

 _P.S Feed your slimes or I'll cut you. Don't destroy their precious little smiles!_

The kid was right. I did have an angry face. We're all the slimes I find going to be angry babies that can't just live with what I give them. They all sound so weak and shitty. I look back at my wrist to see that I've used a bit of energy running around my new home but that's fine I regain it quickly enough. I also see a flashing new book at my wrist and notice that the slimeopedia is now located there. I have unlocked the page of pink slimes so let me see what they like.

 _Pink Slimes: These little guys have the brightest of smiles and are the slimes mascot basically. These things are not threat to anyone unless they combine… there can be problems then but for the most part their fine._

 _These little guys have no favorite food and will eat anything and everything so their like the strongest slimes when combined with a more_ _ **dangerous**_ _kind of slime so I know you'll love them. If you want just a normal food for the little ones I'd go out to the front of ranch and walk for a minute or two and you'll finally be to slime country and you'll find carrots for them._

 _Carrots are a nice normal food for them and you'll not waste anything special feeding it to them since they have no favorite food. You don't need many pink slimes or they'll just all start to stack on each other and escape._

 _I'd recommend six or seven pink slimes for your ranch at any time. Have fun collecting Rancher!_

Hmm six or seven… Well I'll take seven for more money and if they try to escape I'll scare them to submission. I notice that two pink slimes are bouncing by the one stuck in the coral while the other is trying to bounce to them. I guess I'll reunite the little family… shit that sounds a bit too familiar for this situation. I suck the two up and see a nice little pink slime picture in my hotbar and go to the trigger of my vacuum and shoot them through the net into the coral. I'll leave any upgrades for the coral for later.

 **!**

I walk into the new area surrounded with nice little trees and carrots sprinkled in the ground. I walk a bit closer and eight pink slimes jump out the ground. Luckily I heard that pink slimes we're to be around or that might of scared me… might. I just suck up 4 of them to make the three back home seven and get some carrots. The kid acted like this would be hard… I wish it was challenge so it wouldn't be so unforgivingly boring. I mean really I fight grimm and monsters for a living and kill people to support my tribe and he puts me in a world of weak little useless pooping slimes and thinks to himself this will make me happy. What an idiot.

 **!**

I arrive back home and spray carrots in the coral and the slimes. The poop out these pink diamond shaped pieces of poo that I need to sell… apparently. What are these even needed for again? Like who needs this poop for resources. If the kid shows up again I'm punching him in the nuts then getting him to answer these questions for me. Well at least the little guy- shits look a bit happy eating… god I need a drink…

 **!**

I look down at Raven with a smile of happiness and regret. I should of probably told her time is moving slower than Remnant so I could mess with her later but that will have to wait for now maybe later in this nice little story we could make her day either worse or better. I don't know how this will go down but I like messing with little Ravey hehehehe"

 **A/N I know there wasn't much this chapter but there will probably be bigger chapters i just wanted to start us off on the miniseries archetype right with "mini" being the keyword. I'll be updating this whenever I see fit and if there are any reviews I'll be sure to post them in the Author's Note also any Omake ideas y'all have I'd love to here. I'll dedicate most of my omakes to fans of this story. Well have a good night or day where y'all are when you read this BYE!**


End file.
